Areyou his second choice?
The world of dating is a complex place, let’s be honest especially in the C21 where everything is fast moving, people don’t have time, people can fake themselves, relationships are considered replaceable as are people, therefore as a woman we want to know we are not wasting time, we are valued and we are no.1 in the eyes of the man that we like.
With online dating, and more people being single till later on in life, there are many more options available to date for people than ever before. This often makes men and women fall into the abundance mind-set where they are less like to date one person monogamously, keep their options open and have a rota of potential beaus.
Therefore how do we figure out whether we are a man’s no.1 or no.2, 3, 4 or 5th choice?
There are signs that you are not a man’s first priority, that he may be dating others girls that he likes more or that he’s just not that into you anymore.
- He only contacts you for last minute. Now this can happen in or out of a relationship, whereby a man who was either pre arranging dates with you now only does last minute or a man was asking you for last minute since day one and you allowed it. Last minute basically means, I have nothing else to do so let’s hang out, it could be because the girl he was meant to meet up with originally cancelled, was too busy or is not giving him the time of day, or that his mates cancelled plans and now he’s high and dry. Either way he’s looking to you to fill the gap. Some men will try last minute as a button push, but when it’s a regular occurrence, it’s usually because he doesn’t respect your time or you and without respect there won’t be any love. The point is don’t be a man’s backup plan, only see him when it’s pre-arranged! If he doesn’t want to do that, drop him, you have better things to do than keep a man who does consider you important in your life, if you do you are showing him that you don’t value yourself and will accept bad behaviour.
- He cancels dates. A man that doesn’t see you as a no.1 priority or has a lack of interest will cancel dates. When a man cancels a date he is basically saying I would rather be doing something else than spending time with you! Once in a blue moon this behaviour is acceptable because we all have emergencies etc to contend with, however, when this because a regular thing and he is not trying to compensate the time he missed with you by re-arranging then its definitely a sure fire sign that you are down low on his list of priorities. In the early stages of dating if this begins to happen then it’s better to let the guy go, especially if you’ve been High Value from day one, as he is clearly not that interested, if it happens in a relationship then you need set in boundaries, evaluate your own behaviour and see why this is happening.
- He goes months without chatting to you then comes back, then leaves again. Men who treat you like a revolving door have no respect for you. They also have a lack of interest, if he can leave and come back, he is basically letting the period of time he leaves, be open for you to move on and date someone else which means he doesn’t care if someone else takes you. A guy like this will keep the revolving door open for as long as he can and will probably have some or all of the red flags mentioned above on display as well. Shut the door.
Now these signs are not conclusive, there are many more signs a man is seeing you not as his Queen but as his bench warmer, to learn more about these signs and what to do when you spot them, head over to the VIPs!
