Hepicked her over me! I thought I was doing everything right…

Now I must start with this disclaimer, this post isn’t to make anyone insecure, in fact the purpose of this post is the opposite.

Often women worry during the non-monogamous stage of dating that a man is seeing many different women (which yes he usually is and you also should also be dating many different guys) that he may end up picking another woman over them.

Often this fear does actually manifest and a man will simply vanish, make it official with someone else or in some cases even get married to another woman.

This often leaves a lot of women feeling very anxious when dating, that even when they’re doing everything right a man can still pick another woman over them.

Well let me break things down for you a bit and ease your anxiety.

• You should be dating more than one guy at a time anyway

All women should be dating multiple men at once, they need to understand that in the modern dating scene this approach will save them a lot of time and potential heartache. Keeping your options open keeps your mind from concentrating on solely one man, it increases the chance of you meeting the ”one” without wasting your time if things don’t work out with any one guy you are dating. Say for example you date solely one guy for 6 months and you both decide youre not right for each other, you’ve just spent 6 months with one guy that you could have spent with many more potentials so even if Mr 6 months vanishes, you wont feel like you wasted time as you never paused the search anyway.

• You can’t let your fantasies run away with you

Just because you like one man over the others and you are fantasising about him and thinking about him more than the others, doesn’t mean that you should assume that a) he likes you just as much as you like him b) things will definitely work out with him and he’s the one. Dating is a complex system, just because a man you’re dating is charming, saying all the right things and making the right moves, doesn’t mean he has fallen for you, men will be behaving this way with all the women they are dating, its part of their tactics to make a woman like them, so if it works on one women they will be using them on all the women they are dating. if you start thinking that this man is the one and you both haven’t agreed on monogamy you will be very heartbroken if he picks another women over you that he was also charming at the same time. REMEMBER you are just dating and getting to know him, he’s putting his best foot forward that’s it, only time and consistency will reveal his true intentions.

• Everyone has a type

Men are more likely to go for the women who are more their type than the ones who are not. All men grow up with an idea of a woman who is their “dream girl” now this is purely subjective and changes from man to man. They have a certain preference for height, looks, and personality etc that they are more drawn to. So this means for example if a guy is attracted to blondes and brunettes, but he prefers blondes, then if he is dating both of these women he is more likely to lean towards the blonde over the brunette even if the brunette is better in other areas than the blonde (her job is better etc). Now this doesn’t for one second mean that the brunette is not amazing, it means that for this particular guy he finds the blonde subjectively a better match for him due to his own preferences. This is why it so important to remember, if you are doing everything right, ie: you have emotional control, you aren’t clingy, needing or controlling etc, a guy could pick another woman for a completely different reason that is out of your control, which is why YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE IT PERSONALLY or let it make you insecure, because to another guy you are his dream girl and you are awesome as you are!

So does this mean that women should stop working on themselves? Absolutely not! What ive given here is a small example of a much wider topic. Women should always be working on becoming the best version of THEMSELVES and not of anyone else. You will find the guy who is right for you and the other half to your whole.  Treat dating like buying the perfect pair of shoes. You will keep having to try on different pairs till you find the perfect match, but just because you don’t match with someone doesn’t mean you’re not amazing! It just means he’s not the one for you.