Howlong should I wait to have sex?
I get asked this question all the time from the women I coach. They want me to give them a timeline, a set period that they can trick their brains into waiting before they can finally have mind-blowing sex with the man that they are dating. They don’t want to wait “too long” so he gets bored or jump into bed too soon, just in case that’s all he wanted in the first place and suddenly vanishes. They ask me to give them the golden sweet spot, that a lot of other coaches will tell them they should wait for, the average suggestion being 3 months.
Now I’m here to tell you a specific time period, I’m here to tell explain to you the dynamics of having sex for a woman vs a man, so you can make up your own mind what this time limit should be and why.
Oxytocin. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. It is the “bonding hormone” that is released in both males and females, that helps us to bond with others and to be more nurturing in general. It is released after sex for both men and women BUT and it’s a big BUT, the amount of oxytocin that each gender releases is very different. Men release a relatively small amount where as women will release a much larger amount in general compared to him. The main reason for this is that women need to cling on to the man that may become her baby daddy for safety and security of her and her offspring, where as men don’t need that kind of security from women, hence less oxytocin for them. Its biology I’m not making this up.
Now this “clinginess” and bonding that biology tells us that we need from the guy we just slept with, is the main reason that we women go coo coo bananas when that man doesn’t call us back the next day or simply vanishes all together. Therefore sleeping with someone that has not made any monogamous commitment to us is much more difficult for woman than it is for men.
It also means that due to this Oxytocin in our bodies, we become way more attached to a man that we otherwise may not even like that much because of this false sense of biological need we have for him. He may not be a 10 in our eyes before we hit the sheets with him but he will definitely be someone we NEED after we hit the sheets with him, which is also why it’s so tough to let go of a guy that you have had sex with.
Now compare this to a man, who if he doesn’t know you that well, hasn’t had time to fall in love with you or bond with you outside the bedroom, sleeps with you, doesn’t bond with you during sex (even though you become way more attached than him) then leaves has very little reason to then come back for anything other than the occasional sexual release. I mean what does he have that holds him to you? Not much. This is why it’s important for a man to bond with you first, become addicted to your personality, so even after sex he keeps wanting you. How do men bond? (I’ll keep that information for another blog but) it’s not inside the bedroom. 
So ladies after reading this blog I hope you are more clear on making your own timeline of when you should sleep with a guy and why you made that decision.
For more information on how to get a guy to fall in love with you and to take things to the next level, or even just how to save your relationship, please check out my VIP groups where ladies just like you are getting personalised advice on how to succeed in relationships or for the ultimate tailored experience my one to one coaching.
